I met up with a good friend from highschool who put up with the immature me back in the days
she tried to really chill me out many times as i was a overcontrolling perfectionist back in highschool
i finally met up with her after not seeing or talking to her for a couple of months and we had lunch, went mogok, and had shabu shabu
while we were relaxing she was telling me how her brother feels lost, he has no parents or a home to go back to (parents both deceased)
he is a smart boy but due to life circumstances, he ended up going to community college and then dropping out and joing the marines hoping that he finds some sort of solace and feeling of family in the marines
she goes on to say...i wonder how things would have been if things werent the way they were meaning (if both her parents had survived, how would things have been....)
as i looked into her eyes, i can see so much sadness in her eyes and sort of giving up on life a little
life is hard on her as well
she had to get a scholarship for medschool through the army and has to work at a army base for four years
yes the army paid for her education in exchange of 4 years of work, she also has huge loan debt to pay off
it did appear she was happier living on the east coast than the west coast
here, no one knows her story that much except for me
she is in a different environment from LA, weather changes, new friends who dont know her past as well and from the outside looks as if they are all on teh same level struggling through med school with debt and she got her own apt and own car to drive around and be independent
she was saying how she loves the east coast more than the west although she plans to return but not just now or the near future
maybe in her 30s or 40s but not now or near
she looks as if she wants some things but cant get because of her situation
i look at her and there are times when i feel sad for her and want to cry
i usually dont feel this way to anyone because i dont really care about others too much (not really worth my time or effort) but with her, i guess she was there with me during highschool when i really needed to vent and cry and she stood by me letting me cry and vent and once in a while cracking a joke here and there
i guess i know she is nicest girl one can ever find or ask for a friend
she never judges
instead she just gives u that smile that comforts u somehow knowing that things arent as bad as i make them to be
when she asked the what if question it reminded me how i used to ask that every single day crying and feeling angry and bitter and wanting to give up on life because things werent going the way i wanted my life to go
i sometimes wonder if i used that as an excuse for my failures in life and laziness of not accomplishing anything
i sometimes wonder would i even be here if mommy was alive? what would i be doing now? maybe i would have ended up a dr?
jeannie was cracking a joke about that how i was all about being a dr in highschool did everything to prove i was on teh pre med track and i ended up not doing it ditching medicine all together
instead i stopped working hard and using brain and went after looks and craved attention from guys
i thought about it
i guess i wanted to feel accepted and loved and taken care of by a boy
was it worth it?
i dont know not even sure now
the thing i realized is u cant let these incidents get to you or it will ruin you
i have to take it be the reins when things are still ok as now i still have dad to get some moolah off of and take control of my life
i really have to learn to be more selfish
Monday, November 2, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Dilemna
feeling terribly guilty for munching on a choco cookie today
i can feel my pants getting abit tight on my waist
this can only mean one thing: I AM GETTING FAT
my battle with my weight is seriously a yoyo
New goal: workout twice a day for just 20 minutes
40 minutes for me is way tooo long at one time
i wonder if i can get up around 5:50 and work out for 20 minutes, take a shower
oh yeah, new goal: for bfast eat fruits or smoothie as bfast
no more sandwiches except once in a while and that is just one slice
i think those sandwich bfast is contributing to my weight
should buy those bullet mixer and make myself a fruit smoothie
yesssss that is a good idea
for lunch well i always get free foods so that is ok but seriously gotta avoid staring at its dessert counter which is next to the cashier register aigoo
swallow and resist the temptation
today was unable to do that and one bad news made me go running for a double choco vegan cookie with macadamian nuts
cost: 2.75 but sooooo good
i still have those fig newton double choco cookie bag sitting in my kitchen
i have to be strong
and for dinner: a bowl of rice with korean side dishes fried fish, etc etc
bf refuses to eat anything that is healthy and bland and no taste good
which is a problem for me to even think about steaming veggies, fish or boiled chicken
bf will not touch his plate sigh
atleast we switched from white rice to brown rice.....but rice still abd for dinner
starting today: eating half a bowl of rice
and eat enough to be full but not well fed happy
then run for 20 minutes in teh gym around 8:00 PM
shower and study until 10:00 PM
tomorrow morning:
wake up 5:50 AM
set coffee pot
go run for 20 minutes (so be done around 6:20)
bfast food tomorrow: yogurt
goal: do this on daily basis--lose weight until i hit 115 pounds and can feel good about myself again
need to get a pair of aviator glasses and a haircut
hair refuses to grow
thinking to get bangs but ricky refuses to give me bangs...stubborn hairstylist
i can feel my pants getting abit tight on my waist
this can only mean one thing: I AM GETTING FAT
my battle with my weight is seriously a yoyo
New goal: workout twice a day for just 20 minutes
40 minutes for me is way tooo long at one time
i wonder if i can get up around 5:50 and work out for 20 minutes, take a shower
oh yeah, new goal: for bfast eat fruits or smoothie as bfast
no more sandwiches except once in a while and that is just one slice
i think those sandwich bfast is contributing to my weight
should buy those bullet mixer and make myself a fruit smoothie
yesssss that is a good idea
for lunch well i always get free foods so that is ok but seriously gotta avoid staring at its dessert counter which is next to the cashier register aigoo
swallow and resist the temptation
today was unable to do that and one bad news made me go running for a double choco vegan cookie with macadamian nuts
cost: 2.75 but sooooo good
i still have those fig newton double choco cookie bag sitting in my kitchen
i have to be strong
and for dinner: a bowl of rice with korean side dishes fried fish, etc etc
bf refuses to eat anything that is healthy and bland and no taste good
which is a problem for me to even think about steaming veggies, fish or boiled chicken
bf will not touch his plate sigh
atleast we switched from white rice to brown rice.....but rice still abd for dinner
starting today: eating half a bowl of rice
and eat enough to be full but not well fed happy
then run for 20 minutes in teh gym around 8:00 PM
shower and study until 10:00 PM
tomorrow morning:
wake up 5:50 AM
set coffee pot
go run for 20 minutes (so be done around 6:20)
bfast food tomorrow: yogurt
goal: do this on daily basis--lose weight until i hit 115 pounds and can feel good about myself again
need to get a pair of aviator glasses and a haircut
hair refuses to grow
thinking to get bangs but ricky refuses to give me bangs...stubborn hairstylist
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Korean Moms and their Korean Sons
Remember I promised you more stories as I deal with a Korean mom and a KOrean son?
Well here you go
I swear with my experience with Korean Moms i can write a hilarious movie
maybe i will win an oscar? first korean american screen writer? yes, gom gae gom gae ^_^
Now that we have moved out of the mother's apt, but still relatively close to her she still comes over
bf like an idiot gives her a copy of the key so she goes in and out whenever
whatever i wouldnt care but she seems to criticize everything around the house
i dont think she is ever happy or able to llleeeeettttt things gooo...chill out man or in this case ajumma
Personally i dont really care how others set their house i think it is interesting to see what others put in their homes...everyone has his or her own idosyncrcies no?
nevertheless, she complains about how she doesnt understand why i have a turntable on my counter? why i put the bananas with the bag still on on the counter?
she calls me everyday almost (lately not so much thank u god for answering my prayers) to wonder if i have food in teh house and what i plan to cook--passive agressive--her point in asking is to see if i plan to cook or not for her son and keep him a healthy little asian boy
as the poor boy (as if he is the only one) is suffering from stress from work
believe me, this woman doesnt care whether i eat or not
i wouldnt why the hell would i care if my son's gf or brother's gf eats on a daily basis...human nature: if we are hungry we will find something to eat
bf gets upset when i explain it this way and goes i dont like when u talk like that about my mother
and stop adding words to my mother's mouth when that is not exactly she said
if we live upon just the outer layer of meanings, wouldnt life be simple? but koreans arent like that, we koreans love to drip our voices in condescending voices and say things that translate as polite or nice statements but have vicious meanings behind
oh yeah, when she comes over she loves to dig through our fridge--she complains about how we dont eat the food she puts in there or she puts in food there hidden all the way in teh back of the fridge without telling us and i find it weeks later spoiled
yes--my fridge is like playing treasure hunt except the treasure is rotten food
the mother thinks she is adorable and the best
she doesnt understand other mothers who try to avoid doing house work
she is the only one in her generation being the epitome of a "GOOD" house wife and cook
and she loves to learn she has a thirst for studying unlike other korean ajummas who spend their time gossiping and hanging out with other mothers.....
i sometimes wonder if this is her way of covering up how akward she is thus is unable to socialize with others=no friends
dont get me wrong, korean ajummas as friends--> hard to do but she really doesnt have anyone
she thinks she has a piano hand/arm rather a tennis hand/arm
she laughs as if this is soo cute
um, ajumma you are 52 years old...cute no longer works past the age 25
be as koreans say cool ha gae hae
this woman is fat and thinks I am fatter but realizes I wear clothes smaller than she and she then measures my height and goes ohhhh you much taller than me....NO DUH?!! (head tilted)
the answer to this equation: I am not fat, you the bf mom is fat but that is forgivable afterall she is a mom--hehehe guilty laughter---she wears mommy jeans that sags in teh back but she loves to straighten back and walk straight--prides herself for having good posture hehehehehehe
but the mommy jeans make me crack up hehehehehehehehe
Well here you go
I swear with my experience with Korean Moms i can write a hilarious movie
maybe i will win an oscar? first korean american screen writer? yes, gom gae gom gae ^_^
Now that we have moved out of the mother's apt, but still relatively close to her she still comes over
bf like an idiot gives her a copy of the key so she goes in and out whenever
whatever i wouldnt care but she seems to criticize everything around the house
i dont think she is ever happy or able to llleeeeettttt things gooo...chill out man or in this case ajumma
Personally i dont really care how others set their house i think it is interesting to see what others put in their homes...everyone has his or her own idosyncrcies no?
nevertheless, she complains about how she doesnt understand why i have a turntable on my counter? why i put the bananas with the bag still on on the counter?
she calls me everyday almost (lately not so much thank u god for answering my prayers) to wonder if i have food in teh house and what i plan to cook--passive agressive--her point in asking is to see if i plan to cook or not for her son and keep him a healthy little asian boy
as the poor boy (as if he is the only one) is suffering from stress from work
believe me, this woman doesnt care whether i eat or not
i wouldnt why the hell would i care if my son's gf or brother's gf eats on a daily basis...human nature: if we are hungry we will find something to eat
bf gets upset when i explain it this way and goes i dont like when u talk like that about my mother
and stop adding words to my mother's mouth when that is not exactly she said
if we live upon just the outer layer of meanings, wouldnt life be simple? but koreans arent like that, we koreans love to drip our voices in condescending voices and say things that translate as polite or nice statements but have vicious meanings behind
oh yeah, when she comes over she loves to dig through our fridge--she complains about how we dont eat the food she puts in there or she puts in food there hidden all the way in teh back of the fridge without telling us and i find it weeks later spoiled
yes--my fridge is like playing treasure hunt except the treasure is rotten food
the mother thinks she is adorable and the best
she doesnt understand other mothers who try to avoid doing house work
she is the only one in her generation being the epitome of a "GOOD" house wife and cook
and she loves to learn she has a thirst for studying unlike other korean ajummas who spend their time gossiping and hanging out with other mothers.....
i sometimes wonder if this is her way of covering up how akward she is thus is unable to socialize with others=no friends
dont get me wrong, korean ajummas as friends--> hard to do but she really doesnt have anyone
she thinks she has a piano hand/arm rather a tennis hand/arm
she laughs as if this is soo cute
um, ajumma you are 52 years old...cute no longer works past the age 25
be as koreans say cool ha gae hae
this woman is fat and thinks I am fatter but realizes I wear clothes smaller than she and she then measures my height and goes ohhhh you much taller than me....NO DUH?!! (head tilted)
the answer to this equation: I am not fat, you the bf mom is fat but that is forgivable afterall she is a mom--hehehe guilty laughter---she wears mommy jeans that sags in teh back but she loves to straighten back and walk straight--prides herself for having good posture hehehehehehe
but the mommy jeans make me crack up hehehehehehehehe
Crazy
Today, our pieces of furniture is getting delivered
since the boy and i work during the day and his mother lives around the area, we asked her to be in the house around 10-12 since is the delivery time
she calls the store and tells them to deliver at a later time and decides to head over to the store
she wants to check it out again and see it for herself
btw, she goes this is a secret dont tell my son what i am doing
ummmmmmmmmmm ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my frustration from having a calm quiet morning at work goes up to 100 like those cartoon therometers ready to explode at the top
however i am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens later
i am going to laugh my ass off if she screws up or doesnt get that bookshelf in today since bf was anticipating that and have them argue as usual
she then asks me if i plan to go to korea, i say no
she goes arent your auntie and uncle in korea
i am like yesss but they may have to re-enter the states so in that case i have no place to stay
she goes well bf dad wanted to meet your auntie and uncle and introduce you to bf aunt
he thinks that this is not how it should be--hard to translate literally but meaning culturally if you have been dating this long, it is appropriate for you to spend 1,200 dollars and go to korea for 5 days to meet each other family members (btw we are not yet engaged--no ring on my finger yet)
plus bf dad is worried that your bf may be bored
um yes, i am fully aware of this BUT COME ON....unless you pay for my ticket i dont see why i have to go to korea
i am soo thankful i am not going now.....auntie may have been right, his father was not going to let me rest there and enjoy my vacay since i gotta uphold the korean traditions
since the boy and i work during the day and his mother lives around the area, we asked her to be in the house around 10-12 since is the delivery time
she calls the store and tells them to deliver at a later time and decides to head over to the store
she wants to check it out again and see it for herself
btw, she goes this is a secret dont tell my son what i am doing
ummmmmmmmmmm ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my frustration from having a calm quiet morning at work goes up to 100 like those cartoon therometers ready to explode at the top
however i am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens later
i am going to laugh my ass off if she screws up or doesnt get that bookshelf in today since bf was anticipating that and have them argue as usual
she then asks me if i plan to go to korea, i say no
she goes arent your auntie and uncle in korea
i am like yesss but they may have to re-enter the states so in that case i have no place to stay
she goes well bf dad wanted to meet your auntie and uncle and introduce you to bf aunt
he thinks that this is not how it should be--hard to translate literally but meaning culturally if you have been dating this long, it is appropriate for you to spend 1,200 dollars and go to korea for 5 days to meet each other family members (btw we are not yet engaged--no ring on my finger yet)
plus bf dad is worried that your bf may be bored
um yes, i am fully aware of this BUT COME ON....unless you pay for my ticket i dont see why i have to go to korea
i am soo thankful i am not going now.....auntie may have been right, his father was not going to let me rest there and enjoy my vacay since i gotta uphold the korean traditions
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wow i must have a lot of Pent up anger
One more thing...somewhere in between all this crazy drama she pulls me aside (bf not there)
and says you know i am sick
how would you feel if i got sicker and end up dying because you didnt help me out?
She was or is sick (?) got a transplant but um not sure if that is something you want to tell your son's gf on the side to get her to help you do all your chores.......
and says you know i am sick
how would you feel if i got sicker and end up dying because you didnt help me out?
She was or is sick (?) got a transplant but um not sure if that is something you want to tell your son's gf on the side to get her to help you do all your chores.......
Not sure why I do this to myself
So i have been dating a korean korean boy
when we lived together, things were great
however, when the lease of our apt came to an end, bf decided it would be a great idea to live with his mother since she was all alone (father is in korea working)
plus his mother thought this would be a great idea-not only does she get some company, but also she can "take care" him and keep an eye as he gets stressed from his job on a daily basis
Bf asks if i want to join him at his mother's apt
At first, I was against it but when the boy goes on asking, "Do you not love me?" with puppy eyes, the guilt starts pouring in and I submitted
So this is how I ended up living with his mother
Since his mother lives so far away from the city, waking up at 6 was already hard enough and working from 7 until 5:00/:30 was exhausting and another 40 minute ride on bus/ferry
By the time i stepped foot into that apartment, she wanted me to help her out
I agree living there for free no rent i had to help out
I dont mind setting the table and washing the dishes
HOwever, THIS was not enough for her
She started to complain about how I wasnt helping her enough
such as in cooking and cleaning the house on the weekend
She could not understand why I was so tired....She says when she was young, she went to work everyday like us and yet came back home and would make kimichi and peel garlic and cook her own meals at home
she was like maybe it is our environment or the food that we consume and constantly feeling tired
maybe the current generation do not have good/organic food thus we always feel tired
Then she asks me if I want some hwan-yak (korean ginger ginseng energizing drink)
Bf at first sided with me but him knowing didnt help
the first time around, he gave his mother the silent treatment--how does that reflect on me?
the second time-he goes you gotta make your keep since you are living here for free
the third time-the silent treatment
Everytime i was not home, she seemed to complain about how we never helped her out, etc
Btw this woman does not work
When she complained about how inconsiderate we were about hogging the computer at night (which her son used for work) I went out and bought a router for 135 dollars and set it up so that the house had wireless internet (took me 2 hours to set up-i set this up on my mother's jaesal day)
afterwards, I had noticed she barely touched the computer--she "needs" to browse the internet because her wealth is tied up online--during the day she hates using the internet as she sees it a waste of time for her and makes her easily distracted--dont ask
on another day, i had flown back home because my uncle is battling cancer--she felt that this was the perfect time to complain about me behind my back to her son--she called me lazy, etc etc-bf refused to let me in on the details--end result: bf storms out of the house
2 weeks later--I went out to study at a coffee shop, she asks bf to vacuum the house
bf at the time is busy goes ok i will let me finish this first
the mother slams something and says,"GAE JAH SHIK" (literal translation: children of dog-> horrible insult anything dog related in korean is like saying F--- you)
BF gets upset to hear that and storms out
He tells me this and when his mother returns from temple (apparently buddhism isnt helping her calm her temper or whatever issues she has) we stay in teh room
she comes in storms into the room and says angrily to me (not the bf): HOW DARE YOU NOT GREET ME WHEN I COME HOME? Full confrontation
knowing what had happened earlier, how can i greet her? She goes on a rampage how we treat her horribly and how we should not live our lives that way
and how she is staying in America because of her son--if her husband in korea cheats, that will be the last straw for her etc etc
This has happened a month ago so forgive me if the details are a bit fuzzy
however my feeling of anger has not yet subsided
I feel her behavior was irrational and completely uncalled for
one more thing, while i was there she wanted me to wake up early on Saturday and make bfast for all of them....after waking up at 6 AM for the last five days and going to work
the father isnt any better
He comes back from KOrea to visit for a week
He expected me home by 5 and help his wife out in the kitchen afterall he dislikes seeing his wife be tired
One of the days i show up at 5:30 because i had some work to get done
he is pouting, barely recognizes me or greets me when I come back
I see the mother in the kitchen cooking
husband in teh room using the internet
the frustration I felt that day cannot be described to this day
I have much more to say but fingers are too tired from typing
but all this happened the last month or so.....more to come about my crazy experiences with korean mom as I date her Korean son
when we lived together, things were great
however, when the lease of our apt came to an end, bf decided it would be a great idea to live with his mother since she was all alone (father is in korea working)
plus his mother thought this would be a great idea-not only does she get some company, but also she can "take care" him and keep an eye as he gets stressed from his job on a daily basis
Bf asks if i want to join him at his mother's apt
At first, I was against it but when the boy goes on asking, "Do you not love me?" with puppy eyes, the guilt starts pouring in and I submitted
So this is how I ended up living with his mother
Since his mother lives so far away from the city, waking up at 6 was already hard enough and working from 7 until 5:00/:30 was exhausting and another 40 minute ride on bus/ferry
By the time i stepped foot into that apartment, she wanted me to help her out
I agree living there for free no rent i had to help out
I dont mind setting the table and washing the dishes
HOwever, THIS was not enough for her
She started to complain about how I wasnt helping her enough
such as in cooking and cleaning the house on the weekend
She could not understand why I was so tired....She says when she was young, she went to work everyday like us and yet came back home and would make kimichi and peel garlic and cook her own meals at home
she was like maybe it is our environment or the food that we consume and constantly feeling tired
maybe the current generation do not have good/organic food thus we always feel tired
Then she asks me if I want some hwan-yak (korean ginger ginseng energizing drink)
Bf at first sided with me but him knowing didnt help
the first time around, he gave his mother the silent treatment--how does that reflect on me?
the second time-he goes you gotta make your keep since you are living here for free
the third time-the silent treatment
Everytime i was not home, she seemed to complain about how we never helped her out, etc
Btw this woman does not work
When she complained about how inconsiderate we were about hogging the computer at night (which her son used for work) I went out and bought a router for 135 dollars and set it up so that the house had wireless internet (took me 2 hours to set up-i set this up on my mother's jaesal day)
afterwards, I had noticed she barely touched the computer--she "needs" to browse the internet because her wealth is tied up online--during the day she hates using the internet as she sees it a waste of time for her and makes her easily distracted--dont ask
on another day, i had flown back home because my uncle is battling cancer--she felt that this was the perfect time to complain about me behind my back to her son--she called me lazy, etc etc-bf refused to let me in on the details--end result: bf storms out of the house
2 weeks later--I went out to study at a coffee shop, she asks bf to vacuum the house
bf at the time is busy goes ok i will let me finish this first
the mother slams something and says,"GAE JAH SHIK" (literal translation: children of dog-> horrible insult anything dog related in korean is like saying F--- you)
BF gets upset to hear that and storms out
He tells me this and when his mother returns from temple (apparently buddhism isnt helping her calm her temper or whatever issues she has) we stay in teh room
she comes in storms into the room and says angrily to me (not the bf): HOW DARE YOU NOT GREET ME WHEN I COME HOME? Full confrontation
knowing what had happened earlier, how can i greet her? She goes on a rampage how we treat her horribly and how we should not live our lives that way
and how she is staying in America because of her son--if her husband in korea cheats, that will be the last straw for her etc etc
This has happened a month ago so forgive me if the details are a bit fuzzy
however my feeling of anger has not yet subsided
I feel her behavior was irrational and completely uncalled for
one more thing, while i was there she wanted me to wake up early on Saturday and make bfast for all of them....after waking up at 6 AM for the last five days and going to work
the father isnt any better
He comes back from KOrea to visit for a week
He expected me home by 5 and help his wife out in the kitchen afterall he dislikes seeing his wife be tired
One of the days i show up at 5:30 because i had some work to get done
he is pouting, barely recognizes me or greets me when I come back
I see the mother in the kitchen cooking
husband in teh room using the internet
the frustration I felt that day cannot be described to this day
I have much more to say but fingers are too tired from typing
but all this happened the last month or so.....more to come about my crazy experiences with korean mom as I date her Korean son
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